When I Found Out I Was an Enneagram 1 (and Didn't Like It)
The first time I took the Enneagram test, I didn’t like my results.
In fact, I disliked them so much that I took the test again about a month later—hoping for a different outcome. But there it was again. Still a One.
At the time, I didn’t fully understand why that rubbed me the wrong way. But now I do: it’s hard to read about yourself—especially the parts that feel “bad” or critical—when you already live with a tough inner critic every single day. Ones are known for having the most relentless inner critic of all the types. So naturally, discovering that I’m a One felt like being called out by a system I didn’t even know I had signed up for.
Understanding the Enneagram One
Enneagram Ones are often called “The Perfectionist” or “The Reformer.” We’re principled, responsible, self-disciplined, and driven by a desire to do the right thing. At our best, we embody integrity and can be powerful agents of change. But our shadow side—the one we tend to hide even from ourselves—can be judgmental, rigid, critical, and deeply self-punishing.
We live with a persistent feeling that things (and people… and systems…) could always be better. That includes ourselves. So when I first saw my type in writing, it felt more like a report card than a revelation—and I’ve never been one to settle for less than an A+.
But as I’ve studied the Enneagram—and, more importantly, myself—something surprising happened. I began to exhale.
Finding Relief in Self-Awareness
There’s a strange kind of relief that comes when something names your inner world so clearly. It’s like finally having a map of the roads you’ve been driving blindfolded. I started to gain language and understanding around why I think the way I do. Why I react, why I resist, and why I sometimes struggle to rest, release control, or let go of responsibility.
More importantly, I started learning what to do with it.
Working with a coach and engaging in self-study has given me practical tools to help navigate some of the tough parts of being a One. For example:
When I spiral into harsh self-talk, I pause and ask: Would I say this to someone I love?
When I feel rigid or controlling, I intentionally schedule unstructured time (even if it makes me uncomfortable).
When I notice frustration building, I check in with my body, not just my mind—because Ones live in the gut triad, and I often ignore what my body is trying to tell me until it’s screaming.
That gut triad revelation? That one made me shake my head. I had spent so much time trying to make sense of everything logically, I didn’t even realize how disconnected I was from my instincts.
The Lines: Stress and Security
Another powerful thing I’ve learned through the Enneagram is what happens to me in stress and security.
In moments of stress, I move toward Type Four—the Individualist. I can become more emotional, withdrawn, and focused on what’s missing. I’ve seen this in real-time when I feel underappreciated or misunderstood. My mind starts romanticizing “what could be” instead of dealing with “what is.”
But in security, I take on the positive traits of Type Seven—the Enthusiast. I become more spontaneous, joyful, and willing to let go of structure and control. This is what I call my vacation self. When I’m truly relaxed, I surprise even myself with how light-hearted and free I can be.
Final Thoughts
Discovering I’m a One didn’t feel good at first. But learning what it means—and how to grow through it—has been one of the most powerful forms of self-leadership I’ve ever encountered. I’ve started to recognize my patterns, not as fixed traits, but as signals. And with the right tools, I can now respond instead of react.
The Enneagram isn’t about putting you in a box. It’s about showing you the box you’re already in—and giving you the tools to step out of it.
If you're a fellow One (or think you might be), just know this: you're not alone, you're not broken, and you're not too much. Your desire for goodness is beautiful. Just don’t forget to offer that same grace to yourself.
Until Next Time~
Lady Jay